I Just Want To Go Home

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photo (19)From the day we’re born, I believe that our hearts are on a continuous journey for home. I also believe that our Papa God wired each and every person on the face of this earth this way. What do I mean by this?  Our final destination, final resting place to be with God for eternity. Sadly, some people may not even know what I am talking about or what this means.

Both my Mom and Dad are in their 80’s. My Dad is 87, and my Mom is 84. Bless her heart, she says all the time, “I’m 80!” And I tell her, “Mom, you just keep on saying that because that makes me 4 years younger than I am also!” (I’ve placed a picture of my sweet little Mom and Dad at the end of this post that was taken in 2004.)

My precious Mother has dementia. Some days are better than others. She is always wanting to go home, exclaiming that she doesn’t know why she is where she’s at, and it’s not her home. “I just want to go home” she says, which is almost always followed by asking, “Where’s my Mom and Dad?” In her confusion, she can’t understand why she is not at her house. I had to get on the phone one day and tell her that her Mom and Dad were resting. She said, “What do you mean resting? I don’t understand!” I was trying to find a clever way of telling her gently that they have both gone on to be with the Lord.

I have a good friend that (along with her siblings,) takes care of her Mother that has dementia. She has been doing this for about 8 years now. I have learned so much from her. This has helped me and will continue to help me with my Mother. God places people in our paths to help us in our time of need. He’s like that, He loves us this way.

My Mother gave her heart to Christ at a young age. She was raised in a loving home that was centered around faith in the Lord. She was the middle child, with an older sister and younger brother. Both her brother and sister has gone on to be with the Lord. Her Mother, my “Granny Trotter” was a homemaker, who kept her house spotless and would sweep you right off of her front porch or toss you off of her bedspread if you were sitting on it! My Mother’s father was the Chief of Police here in Cleveland years ago. She has always said that everyone loved “Chief Trotter.” I believe this, I’ve always heard wonderful things about him. He had a very kind and loving heart. He passed away a little before I was born. My Granny passed away a little after Kevin and I were married. (The picture of my Mother at the top of this post was taken while she and her family were visiting friends in Miami, Florida in 1949. I love this little picture of my Mom, she looks so relaxed and happy, and she was.)

With my Mother continuously saying that she wants to go home, makes me wonder if her heart is yearning for a place of no more pain and no more tears. Even with dementia, is her heart yearning to be with her Mother and Father?

I can’t even begin to tell you how my Mother’s dementia breaks my heart. A lot of the times she doesn’t know who my Father is. Talk about breaking your heart. This truly breaks his. One night on the phone with me, I didn’t have to see the tears gathered in his eyes, I knew they were there as he was telling me that my Mother doesn’t know who he is sometimes.

Even though this is so tough and very sad for all of us, we have to find an element of laughter. Laughter is indeed the best medicine! My brother and his wife will tell us when they’ve gone to see Mom and Dad and some of the funny things she has said to them while they were there.

She is forever trying to figure out whose red car is parked under their car port. Every morning she asks my Dad, “Whose little red car is that? When are they coming to get it?” and every morning my Dad says, “Now Martha, you know that’s our car.” As I’m writing this, Kevin and I went by to see my Mom and Dad today and I noticed that my Dad has pulled their little red car out from her view while she is in the house!

For those of us who have a personal relationship with Jesus, I believe that we are on a “spiritual adventure.”  This is an adventure like no other that we have or ever will experience!

“God himself is right alongside to keep you steady and on track until things are all wrapped up by Jesus. God, who got you started in this spiritual adventure, shares with us the life of his Son and our Master Jesus. He will never give up on you. Never forget that.” 1 Corinthians 1:8-9 MSG

I’m so thankful that my Mother and Father know Christ as their personal Lord and Savior. And so ever thankful they brought me up in His love and to know Christ as my personal Lord and Savior.

Some may think that my Mother is not on a “spiritual adventure.”  How could she be, with loosing her memory? I choose to believe otherwise.  My Mother’s walk with Jesus has been a spiritual adventure for years, and is still going on! Even with her dementia, I believe that her heart is yearning for home. Although I have tears in my eyes right now writing this about my sweet Mother and her loss of memory functions, I have a sweet and comforting peace that her Papa God has put a little of heaven in her heart.

“The Spirit of God whets our appetite by giving us a taste of what’s ahead. He puts a little of heaven in our hearts so that we’ll never settle for less.” 2 Corinthians 5:5 MSG

photo (20)

 

The Author

Hey there....so glad you dropped by! My name is Elizabeth Maxwell, but everyone knows me as "Beth." I am the wife to Kevin Maxwell of 35 years. We have 3 grown sons, one daughter-in-law, and our adopted daughter Maria. God laid on our hearts to experience the adoption journey in 2000. Our sweet Maria is special needs and from Bulgaria. God has truly been with us every step of the way on our journey with her. I live in the beautiful foothills state of Tennessee. I love my beautiful Tennessee home. From the foothills to the whippoorwills, God's beauty shines forth here. I love to laugh often. I enjoy old movies, reading books, and I love to sing southern gospel songs, especially the ones with a little bit of country. I love my sweet little job, working with Kindergartners...and yes "kids do say the darndest things!" I am encouraged by God's word and I love to dig into it. I am by no means a scholarly expert, but I do delight in His encouragement for me. I am a friend of God...after all, God's got my back! And not just my back - "He goes before me." (Deuteronomy 31:8) "He's right beside me." (Hebrews 13:5) and, "He surrounds me on every side." (Psalm 125:2) These verses remind me that I am not alone while traveling on this "Journey Called Life!" Won't you travel with me? While on this journey, I may share a recipe, a book, or even a movie or song that I love....but most of all I want to share God's word with you. My prayer is that you will be encouraged, and know that you are not alone on this journey called life!

10 Comments

  1. Donna Prueitt says

    I remember those days very well. You praise Him for the good days and you lean on Him through the bad. Enjoy the laughter and the funny things because this is what will make your memories put a smile on your face in the years to come. May The Lord bless you and your family with many little (and big) God moments as you walk through this journey.

    • Thank you so much Donna. It’s so encouraging to hear of others that have gone on this journey before me.

  2. Roy Willhoit says

    We luv your Mom and Dad. My Dad suffered with dementia but would always say ” that’s my boy ‘ when I would visit him.Enjoy talking golf with you Dad. Roy and Janis ….

    • Thank you Roy for sharing. My Dad sure loves golf and loves to talk about it! Thank you for your kind words!!!

  3. Terri Riddle says

    We were in the same situation with my mother in law, for a few years. We and Steve’s 2 sisters pitched in and took care of her, so she would not have to go to the nursing home. It is heart wrenching to watch someone who had been a pastors wife for 50+ years and given so much of herself, to then lose part of herself. It was an honor to be able to care for her, but my heart would break every time we were there. Praying for you as you minister to BOTH your Mom and Dad. I love Jack and Martha and I miss them so much…they were such a blessing to me, as are you.

    • Oh Terri…you know what we are going through. Thank you so much for sharing with me. God knows when we all need encouraging and you sharing with me is just that! Thank you for your prayers. Without a doubt our family feels each and every one. Terri..you old friend are a blessing to me! Love you!

  4. Belinda Wilson Davis says

    Your parents are so precious. Having known you and your family all my life has blessed my life so. Thru the years as I grew up at Big Spring Baptist they taught me so much in the Sunday school classes and other activities they were so active in. I know too because my mom and dad are 87 and 86 just how precious they are. It’s hard to see them go thru these changes as they age. I thank God daily that mine are still with me. Since I’ve started as church secretary, I’ve had the opportunity to talk to your parents on a few occasions when they’ve came by the office and they are so sweet. Thank you so much for your beautiful story. I remember the Valentine banquet when that picture of your parents was taken at Big Spring. I have one of my parents like this too!!!

    • Belinda, thank you for your sweet and encouraging words. It seems like only yesterday we were at Big Spring growing up together and I cherish those memories so! What a wonderful church family we had while growing up together. Your Mom and Dad have always been precious to me. I am so thankful that both sets of our parents are still with us! It is very hard watching your parents age. God in his goodness and grace prepares us on this journey. We are not alone!

  5. Such a bittersweet post: gratitude to God for what he has done in your family’s life and what Satan tries to take away here on earth through disease. Your last paragraph really touched me as I also believe (and have witnessed) that God speaks to us right where we are at in every circumstance regardless of the physical or mental condition. Your post reminded me of 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 and I quote from the Message Bible (since you do! :)), 16-18 So we’re not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There’s far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can’t see now will last forever.

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